The 5 Professionals who know if you’re a Whore.

1. Obviously the OB-GYN

The gynaecologists in your town will know very quickly. Those same 20 women who come in every 2-4 weeks and are a little to cocksure when asked to pull their pants down and spread? Yep, a good sexual health doctor will be able to spot the prostitutes from miles off.

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The other option is you can just tell them rather than leave them hanging. Their services are confidential and quite often they offer extra, helpful support for working women such as regular specialist clinics, a monthly condom quota for free Johnnys all the way to special vaccinations like in the UK, ‘at risk’ groups including gay men, trans women and us, whores  (🖒) can get immunized against Hep B. When my friend asked for the vaccine, they wouldn’t even give it to her, that’s’d how exclusive the vaccine is. You may as well take the free stuff!

2. Similarly, the Pharmacists

The other day, I was running super late for my meet but I realised I didn’t have any of the essentials with me! In all the commotion they’d been left at home. I ducked into the nearest pharmacy and was running around frantically, not knowing where anything is. Finally, I gave up and interrupted a woman working there by asking her, far too loudly, ‘WHERE ARE THE CONDOMS AND LUBE?’ The three teenage girls that she was speaking to turned very red with suppressed giggles and the woman didn’t look too impressed either.

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Anyway, this isn’t normal. In the usual run of things, I use the same pharmacy for everything and I know exactly where it all is. If they’ve ever thought it to be suspicious that I buy a pack of condoms and two or three tubes of lube at a time, they’ve politely kept it to themselves. I feel certain they have their suspicions, however.

3. Amazon and Facebook and Twitter and Instagram and Snapchat and any other social media site that you may use.

Ah yes, with expert algorithm deciphers, there is no way of escaping the Internet arms. Purchasing PVC catsuits and whips, are we? Buying sponge tampons in bulk? Been following SWARM’s update’s? These guys are pros and they will know. Especially Google, Google is ALWAYS watching. Fortunately, despite fears over Internet rights and privacy, they don’t care enough about your personal life to leak it to anyone. They will just use it to sell you shit.

2017-08-09 11.02.20However, there is a real risk from abolitionists and groups who hate sex workers hacking into sites or posing as clients in order to out sex workers. So, be careful lads and lasses, if you want your secret safe never send face pictures to clients you’ve never met and never post a picture of yourself on a site like Adultwork which exists anywhere else on the Internet.

4. Hotel staff

*Click clack* there you arrive at the Hilton to meet a client. Dressed in all black with what you think is understated make up and hair but you couldn’t resist the ankle boots with the stiletto. Carrying a small suitcase. It could be anything you think although it rattles suspiciously as it is roaringly packed to bursting with dildos, chains, whips, bed ties, strap ons and the plastic pot plant that was requested to identify yourself with.

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You keep your head down past the reception desk but confidently stick your chin out once you’re home and dry in the elevator. You may think that you got away with it but they see you and hundreds others like you. It’s a game for them by now, tacky business woman, mistress or prostitute?

5. Ann Summers

I have used Ann Summers specifically because it is the go to for everything from reasonably priced underwear that can be chucked out or easily replaced without too much heartbreak should they be sacrificed for some bizarre request or bought by someone. Also, the go to for ‘soft’ sex toys. Most of my clients might claim to be into BDSM but actually if you went near them with 20ft of rope and a leather flogger, they’d run a mile. The best thing is a nice Ann Summer paddle perhaps one that leaves a pink version of the word ‘SLUT’ in their bottom or a gentle flogger with a picture of Christian Grey on the packet to ease the mind. In short, Ann Summers is the one. We save our Victoria’s Secrets and our Beaux Avenues for when someone offers to pay!

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Disclaimer: Ann Summers model, NOT a sex worker
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